The struggle is real.
But why have we made it a struggle?
Why is almost everyone in the modern world in an internal war trying to get every aspect of their life together? It scares me because the search volume for this phrase is greater than any other topic I’ve researched!
Why have we made this impossible concept of “balance” a societal trend? Why do we admire people who seem to have “their life together”? Why are a lot of people trying to be good at everything?!
I blatantly think it’s an egotistic admiration of perfection and superiority that drives us to pursue them ourselves, which is not only morally wrong, but scary. We are trying to make ourselves something that we are not; be our own gods, our own idols.
Today, I’m dropping all of that nonsense. Balance is a false concept. Those who succeed at anything they do is only because they have imbalanced their life towards it. They choose to focus on that thing and work on it (and for it), which literally means they ignore other things in the process.
Getting your life together means (at least to me) that you are effective and influential with what you choose to focus on, not that you do so many things equally well. That doesn’t get you anywhere.
When you say “yes” to one thing, you are implicitly saying “no” to many others. Success, therefore, is knowing what YOU should say “yes” to and being okay with what that says “no” to.
So, how do you “get your life together”? Well, first, you get clear on exactly what you want. Then, you decide where to start and simplify all the steps you need to get there. And lastly, you remain present once you embark on that action.
- Be Mindful
That means being clear on what you want and what you are doing to get it. Being mindful is being self-aware. And being self-aware means you know who you are, what you value, and what you are willing to prioritize in your life to stay true to those values.
You can’t get your life together if you don’t even know what that means for you! It’s all about clarity and prioritization. And to be fair, that can only happen when you are mindful (ugh another cycle). And you can only be mindful once you have done a lot of self-discovery.
I am quite aware that I probably sound hypocritical when I write about this topic, and more specifically, on stopping this idea of “being good at many things”. I understand that I’m one of those people who seem to be doing just that.
But that’s not true. That’s where people who don’t know me well fall in this trap. I’m only good at anything because I ignore everything else when I’m pursuing it.
I focus on one major thing everyday, not seven. On Monday, I want to write the best AP US History LEQ that I possibly can as a student. On Tuesday, I want to get in the best 5 mile run I can get as a distance runner.
On Wednesday, I want to film the best insights and knowledge I can offer my subscribers as a YouTuber. On Sunday, I want to serve God with my family and at my church in the best way that I can as a Christ-follower.
Do you notice the pattern? Each day, I have one major focus. I am clear with myself on what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. How, then, do I reflect this notion of balance?
Because after many weeks and months and years of individual daily focuses, you build a diverse and strong skill set. But, that only happens through mindful clarity on a single priority each day.
So, moral of the story is: don’t try to “do it all” at one time. Focus on one major aspect at a time and the change will happen incrementally.
2. Choose a Starting Point
You know what you want. But, how do you bring it to life? That’s where I say: choose a place to start.
Do something. Take action. Choose a small task, and then go smaller.
People fall in this trap of inaction because they are overwhelmed. There is so much to work on, so much that needs to change and be reprogrammed. There is so much to do. And so they never do it.
That’s where I also say: don’t attempt to get your whole life together when your room is a mess. You won’t have control over your mind if you don’t have control over a sink full of dirty dishes.
The little things do matter. Because the little things, though they are little, build self-confidence through credible self-history. When you know you were able to do that thing, you can do the next, and then the next. And bigger and bigger you go.
3. Simplify
It’s foolish to claim that the universe is simple. Most realities aren’t. We live in a physically, spiritually, and biologically complicated and interconnected world. Yet, we can still make our daily lives simple.
The multitude of choices and decisions people face every day is insane. The opportunities for what you can do are endless. The options are ever increasing.
All of that makes clarity harder. Having a lot of options just confuses us and stresses us out. It’s something that social psychologist Barry Schwartz wrote about in his 2004 book, The Paradox of Choice. He claims that the more choices and decisions people have to make, the more anxiety and stress they tend to acquire.
So, I challenge you to reduce all of your options and decisions. Declutter your living space, your room, your closet. Focus on only one or two major things to accomplish everyday and ignore everything else.
I also urge you to adopt a simple mental aesthetic.
What on earth does that mean?
It means to let go of trying to make information and ideas very elaborate and complicated. Sift through the extra, essentially meaningless nonsense. Shave off the fluff. Reduce concepts and ideas to what they truly resemble, not a complicated human expression of what they “ought” to mean.
Even in arithmetic, things get messy pretty quickly if you don’t reduce, so you can only get your life together when you have simplified it to its lowest terms.
4. Be Present
Guess what?
What?
You can’t be everywhere and do everything at the same time.
What then?
Make the most of what you are doing right now!!!
How?
Only think about what you are doing right now, and don’t let your thoughts drift off to any other timeline or activity.
For instance, if you are giving a speech in AP Seminar, don’t think about what you will do after or what you did before (guilty!). Remain engaged in your presentation and what you are saying right now.
Why?
Because you won’t really be focused on either one. You won’t be completely invested in the speech, which takes away from the influence your ideas have on others (and your grade) and you also won’t think of anything of major value regarding what you did before or what you’ll do after!
Simply because it’s impossible to carry out two completely different thought-lines and produce a valuable result from each at the same time.
It’s plain useless. It’s much better to give your all to what you are doing right now and then move on when you’re done.
Your life resembles your mind. If your thoughts are chaotic, then so will be your life. If you can’t control where you are mentally, then you won’t be able to control where you are and what you do physically.
When you are completely present right now, you are free to devote yourself to the idea/task at hand. This gives room for creativity and impact to emerge because you aren’t caged by other hindering thoughts.
Finally, my friend, I hope that these tips were somewhat helpful or at the very least thought-provoking. These were all the things that I needed someone to teach me and that I had to slowly figure out myself. But, once I did, my inner (and outer) life transformed. If you implement them, yours will, too.