Do you have the habit of procrastinating until the last minute? Do you have the habit of shoving unhealthy food down your throat even when you know it’s not good for you?
Do you you waste more time than you should on social media, insignificant news channels, or unproductive tasks? Do you promise yourself daily to spend just a little more time talking to your parents, partner, or friends and end up face-to-face with yet another project?
Before anything, I feel you. Like, seriously, I do. It’s so hard. These actions are so hard-wired in our brains…how could we break free of them?! The literal definition of the word habit even suggests that: “a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.”
I will say one thing: habit change is NOT easy. It’s simple. When you learn the actual, scientific process, you will realize that you have more “willpower” than you give yourself credit for.
That’s because habits aren’t developed through willpower, or the lack thereof.
Disclaimer: These ideas aren’t all my original thoughts. These are collective ideas I’ve gotten from major works and research, merged with my own interpretations and style of application. Also, some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning at no cost to you, I will make a small commission if you make a purchase through the link.
It’s essential to understand how habits form before you attempt to make or break them. Habits are actions that enter a positive feedback loop in our brains.
For an in-depth understanding of all of these mechanisms, I encourage you to read: Atomic Habits by James Clear, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard, Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin, or Making Good Habits, Breaking Bad Habits by Joyce Meyer.
Yes, I have read each one of those books, and below lies the most prominent points from each that you can apply to your life if you want the quick-fix.
*A cheers from the lazy folks in the crowd*
The habit feedback loop involves 4 steps: cue, craving, response, and reward. Each of those steps can be combated with the following four steps to reform a habit: making the action obvious, making it attractive, making it easy, and making it satisfying.
- Make it Obvious
You see the cookie, you want the cookie, you grab the cookie, you eat the cookie. And you feel amazing.
You see the worksheet, you don’t want to do the worksheet, you leave the worksheet, you don’t do the worksheet. And you feel amazing.
Should I go on or do you get it? The pattern is the same for every habit. They all begin with seeing something or having a cue, then a wanting or a craving, then an actual response from us, and then they end in satisfaction.
BEWARE: that satisfaction is temporary, meaning that most likely you will regret your decision when the adrenaline wears off.
Well, how do I stop it???
The first pillar of habit formation is to make the new action obvious. Set up a physical reminder, a cue, for that action. That often translates into attaching that cue to something else that you do related to it.
Girl, whatcha mean??
A couple of years ago, I went to see my doctor for a normal checkup. She asked me a bizarre question: “Do you wear sunscreen?”
I responded with the most ignorant phrase regarding the topic of skin protection (sorry for all the dermatologists and estheticians out there). I said, “Of course not! I’m brown! I have enough melanin to paint wooden canoes on a blank canvas.”
My doctor was very disappointed, as you can assume, and she warned me that if I don’t wear sunscreen everyday I’ll have a higher chance of getting skin cancer and more wrinkles when I’m in my forties.
So what did I do? I went out and bought the most expensive sunscreen in the whole “skin-care” isle. Das right, little reader, I spent $27 on a container of sunscreen that I put in a drawer in my vanity and never looked at again.
Why? Because 1) I didn’t believe sunscreen was actually important and 2) I wasn’t in the habit of doing it, so to put it on everyday would take so much energy that I wasn’t used to exerting. Therefore, I’m NOT gonna exert it.
I went to the same doctor for checkups every few months for 2 years after that, and she would ask me the same question: “Have you been applying the sunscreen?”
I would be so convicted sitting there in her tiny office and decide that no matter what happens, I WILL apply the stupid sunscreen.
And I do. For three days. Until my next checkup.
Silly, huh? It’s a very simple scenario and a very simple action that is required of me, but I still failed to do it.
Until something happened. My doctor said, “Tell you what, do you brush your teeth?”
Confused me responded: “Um, yeah…?”
My doctor looked at me not believing I couldn’t figure out what she was suggesting, “Well then, put your sunscreen next to your toothbrush and every time you brush your teeth in the morning, apply the sunscreen!”
I looked up at her like she just won the Guinness World Record for The Most Genius Idea in Five Seconds.
Guess what? I have been wearing sunscreen for 7 whole months now because of that little trick. Guess what? It has real scientific-backing: read this study by the British Journal of General Practice.
When you step into a car, you put on (or should put on) your seatbelt. When you use the restroom, you wash (or should wash) your hands. The cue initiates the action. But for the action to occur, the cue must be obvious, so much so that you can’t miss it.
Often, that means attaching it to an action that you are already accustomed to, like I did with the toothbrush and sunscreen.
So, make the thing that you want to do clear and obvious.
2. Make it Attractive
The truth is, human beings are biased. We want things to look pretty and we like things that do. We also have a natural tendency to do things that we like over things that we don’t like.
Now that you know that, you must capitalize on it.
Don’t make the new habit boring, plain, and demanding. No, make it fun. Turn it into a game with yourself.
You shouldn’t feel miserable when you’re trying to build a habit of waking up earlier or attending class every day. It’s a very arguable topic. Some people think that discipline means not enjoying life or being closed-off to the world around you.
But that’s not true. You take discipline and make of it what you want. You can be disciplined AND happy. You can be serious AND playful. You can be productive AND sporadic. You can be both impactful and playful.
You can have fun with your work.
This is the only way to make hard things attractive. I don’t know who wants to spend the majority of their waking hours being miserable. And if you have to force yourself to work or study, then you probably are miserable.
That makes you repel away from these tasks because the brain wants comfort and pleasure, and you’re trying to give it plain agony.
How can anybody make textbook readings fun?
Well, you start by doing something you enjoy before or during the task that you don’t like. For example, I listen to music while I crank out the derivatives of logarithms. I drink hot cocoa while I take extensive notes on why Andrew Jackson saved American nationalism in the Battle of New Orleans. And I ALWAYS workout with a friend (or a parent).
People, music, and food make things fun. The brain is a very sense-based organ. Talking, listening, and tasting things that make you happy actually make the other action that goes along with it seem enjoyable. Such actions distract from anything that may otherwise feel painful.
3. Make it Easy
One time, one of my teachers asked the class to nominate one person to give a 10-minute speech on a topic we’ve been learning all year. He said that the nominee can collaborate with their peers to come up with ideas for the speech.
I was the nominee and my peers wouldn’t collaborate. I went home that day analyzing every name on my contact list from that class, texting them on social media, even cold calling. And nobody responded.
I was so nervous. Not because of the speech itself. But because of the fact that nobody had my back. They all nominated me and kinda threw me in a heap of fire and left.
So, I cried. And cried. And cried. And spent more time crying than I did anything else that day. Until I thought, “Hold up, they nominated me because they knew I could do it. They’re not responding because they can’t do it.”
So, I decided to stop being so petty and get on with the project. And then I cried again. I don’t know where to start.
And so I didn’t. I put it off because it was so big, intimidating, and overwhelming. I also associated working on that speech with a lot of negative feelings that scared my brain away from doing it.
Until literally the night before I had to present it to my class. That’s when divine creativity started pouring on me from up above:
I made a little plan for how I want to tackle the presentation and the speech. I wrote 20 steps, each with a simple and clear task that can be done in under 10 minutes.
One by one, I went through all the tasks on my little plan and was done in about 3 hours!
Why is this story relevant?
Big, complicated tasks are hard. They’re scary. Who would want to start a new exercise regime and step foot in a gym they’ve never been to before? That’s terrifying. And undoable for the long-term.
In the last two steps you’ve learned how to create a cue for a good habit by making it obvious and how to develop a craving for it by making it attractive. Now, how do you respond to the cue and craving?
The response is the step where most people fall-off the habit-building train.
That’s why you have to make it EASY. The only reason I was able to give that speech the next day was because I sat down and wrote out 20 tiny steps that I can easily tackle to complete this cloudy, overarching goal.
If you haven’t been able to study in the past for 30 minutes straight without distractions, then setting a goal to study for 2 hours for Biochemistry Essentials 101: Enzymatic Reactions is not a good idea.
Break it down into easy steps! Your goal should be to read this page, this paragraph, this sentence- not this chapter. Why? Because it’s much more measurable!
It takes way more time to read a chapter than a sentence, so you will feel like it’s taking you forever and then either quit or not even do it in the first place.
If the habit you want to make is to stop eating junk food, then don’t wait until you’re starving to go scout the pantry and discover the pack of Cheez-Its on the third shelf.
Pre-plan your meals, or at least some quick and healthy snack options and put them right next to you or take them to your place of study or work.
You’re shaving off so much mental energy by just having the habit itself right in front of you. You don’t have to think about it anymore, especially when you’re hungry and can’t tell left from right.
4. Make it Rewarding
Okay, most people actually stay on a completely foreign diet and workout regime for a while. The average time people consistently go to the gym after New Year’s is 2-3 weeks. And then they stop for the rest of the year!
Why? Because habit formation is a behavioral science. If you don’t make the action rewarding every time you do it, you wouldn’t want to come back to it. There is a certain limit to which you can force yourself to repeat the action.
The reward is the big piece of cheese in the trap that keeps the mouse coming back. If you don’t have a big piece of cheese tied to every habit, you won’t be doing it for long.
It has been established that the brain adores pleasure like a pop singer adores Auto-Tune. You must have something that ties you back to the habit so that you could keep repeating it.
My mom and I love Egyptian TV shows. We can watch all six seasons in one day if there was time enough to do it. So, we made an agreement. Everyday, we will intentionally set-up the living room to watch one episode together if (big IF) we both finish all of our schoolwork (yeah, she studies, too), chores, and to-dos.
I cannot begin to explain how much this silly agreement keeps me accountable, excited, and feeling rewarded at the end of a long day of work. Whenever the thought of not doing something enters my mind, I think back to the fact that I won’t have this time with my mom.
I’m incredibly blessed to have someone who understands the value of these things and helps me put it into practice. But, even if you don’t have that accountability system, you can make it for yourself.
Only go on your phone when you have finished a task. Only watch TV when you’re done with your work. If you don’t follow through, then you don’t get the reward. Until it becomes ingrained in you.
The building of habits is, in all truth and simplicity, a scientific process that you can go through and have a predetermined result.
It starts with a cue, that makes you develop a craving, which initiates a response, and that induces a reward. To break this cycle, you have to apply this process to the good habit that you want to build.
You have to make the cue obvious, the action attractive, and the response very easy. Lastly, you have to attach a reward to the completion of that action, automatic or otherwise. This will insure that you come back to the action and not tire of it because you ran out of “willpower” and “discipline.”
Remember:
“We can use decision-making to choose the habits we want to form, use willpower to get the habit started, then – and this is the best part – we can allow the extraordinary power of habit to take over. At that point, we are free from the need to decide and the need to use willpower.”
— Gretchen Rubin, Better Than Before