Mental strength is malleable. In fact, the physical anatomy of the brain is itself malleable. Traits aren’t fixed and neither are abilities.
All of them could be cultivated and developed. You just need to know how.
The way we choose to think about obstacles determines their significance and impact more than the obstacles themselves.
Most people already know that. But people fail to act in alignment with what they know.
At the onset of difficulty and struggle, knowledge and beliefs are thrown out the window. When exhaustion and weakness come pounding on the neurons, they rupture.
But that’s a good thing. Any kind of strength is created through weakness, not despite of it. Muscles break down in order to rebuild and be stronger.
So, the question remains: how do we break down the “mental muscles”?
Below are the three most powerful tips that have been scientifically and experientially proven to build mental strength.
Here are my favorite books on this topic: Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins, Unbeatable Mind by Mark Divine, Extraordinary Minds by Howard Gardner, When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanthi, Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, and Unstoppable by Nick Vujucic.
Yes, I have read all of them and this is the one common theme that I found regarding mental strength: First, we must examine our thoughts and filter them. Then, we must place ourselves in the middle of experiences that can foster the new thoughts or beliefs that we want to adopt.
Disclaimer: The tips below aren’t meant to encourage recklessness, foolishness, or taking uncalculated risks. It is your responsibility to analyze these tips and apply them wisely to your own needs/lifestyle. Also, some of the links in this article are affiliate, meaning at no cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you make a purchase.
- Filter Out Your Thoughts
Most of the time, people know what they are thinking about, they just don’t choose it on purpose.
But, to be mentally strong you MUST be self-aware. You MUST choose what to think. It’s not a lottery ticket. You can’t leave your thoughts up to chance. You have to be actively engaged in the process.
If you let yourself fall victim to whatever thought comes in your head, then forget about being in control of your life. You have to first be in control of your thoughts.
Okay, and how do I do that?
This is where you have to take pauses and self-check throughout the day. Don’t just sprint through life on autopilot. Stop and question your thoughts and actions intentionally (many times in one day).
Then, label these thoughts/actions/emotions. By labelling them, I mean to be an O.O.
An O what?
An Objective Observer.
To be an objective observer of your mental state, you have to detach your self-worth and self-value from the thought or emotion. You have to be as unbiased as you can.
In other words, don’t label your thought as “ugh, I’m just so tired.” No, the label should be: “I am feeling tired.”
What’s the difference?
“I am” is an identity, which means that you are attaching who you are and, potentially, your self-value to the statement (i.e. being subjective). That also means that every time you make that statement, you are reinforcing that identity, which makes it harder to break.
After you have labeled the emotion, you must associate it with a positive thought : “I am feeling stressed, but it’s okay. Things aren’t as overwhelming as I think them to be. I’m grateful for all of these wonderful things that I get to do everyday.”
2. Do One Thing You Fear Everyday
We’ve established that like any muscle, mental muscles need to be weakened in order to be stronger. That means, you gotta throw yourself in the fire on purpose.
Not literally, of course, but you have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations.
Figure out what it is that you fear and do that thing (or at least one small action that resembles it).
Are you afraid of swimming? Public speaking? Being alone? Being with people? Traveling to new places? Remaining in the same place?
The goal is to make yourself uncomfortable every single day. Why? Because your intolerance to discomfort expands the more you become exposed to it.
All fear is out of pride. It’s excessive self-investment. You care too much about how you look in front of others, how you feel about yourself, or how you feel after an experience.
You have a certain image of yourself that you don’t want to shatter by being scared. So you avoid the experience that can shatter the image. And that is pride.
But, when fear is confronted, it loses its power. When you know you’ve done it, you don’t have a doubt that you could do it again. And again. History becomes evidence for the future.
I don’t know what that will practically look like for you. You don’t have to be extreme and crazy about it. Mental strength is not brutal or abrasive; it’s a gentle assurance and confidence in one’s control over oneself.
If that means going on an hour long walk in a creepy neighborhood at 12 am, then great (I’ve done that). If it means volunteering to hip-hop in front of 5,000 people, also great (done that as well). Whatever it is, make sure you are really uncomfortable. And yes, I really love you. Tough love, dear.
3. Fail at Something Everyday
Failing is a real fear for many people.
I really don’t think failure (in the meaning we attribute to the lack of success) exists. I think it’s the label we use to describe a certain experience. The negative connotation around it is one that we have built. The action of failing has nothing inherently bad about it!
When you purposefully place yourself in situations you know are outside of your scope of ability, you are literally building the atmosphere for your abilities to expand.
How?
Well, allowing ourselves to encounter new experiences, regardless of our capabilities and negative judgements, makes us feel unlimited, excited, and alive. I really encourage you to read this entrepreneur’s experience with this tip (it was radically life changing for him).
Some of the things that I have “failed” at after trying many times this month are: riding a skateboard, baking baklava, writing code for a videogame, understanding a Shakespearean sonnet, braiding my sister’s hair, selling a product, and handwashing my carpet after spilling red hibiscus tea.
Life has a way of humiliating you, man. However, pride is when that fact bothers you. You should accept that humiliation and intentionally pursue it because it develops resilience and internal confidence.
It also allows you to have an internal self-value that is entirely detached from your actions, which makes you a really confident person regardless of what you do and how much you’ve failed or succeeded.
Did I feel terrible after “failing” at these things? Yes. Did I think that maybe I should just “give up.” Yes. Did I look stupid and helpless? Yes.
Do I regret it? No. Do I think I’m a failure because I’ve failed? No. And, most importantly, did these failures make me stronger? Absolutely.
Your identity is not based on external circumstances or actions. Your mental environment is what determines who you are. And YOU determine your mental environment.
Challenging events are a part of life, but mental toughness isn’t. You have to build that on your own.
So, be humble. Break yourself on purpose. Make yourself look stupid and ridiculous on purpose. Then, detach your identity from those actions.
Pride is the predecessor of fear. Too much self-interest is at stake when you are undertaking an experience completely beyond your current capabilities.
But notice, I said current. Because your capabilities will expand with each new experience.
Until then, be self-aware. Label all your thoughts and feelings. Separate your self-worth from them. And take bold actions to break fear and pride and build resilience and internal confidence.